The Long Goodbye

The reason I went back to the US, was to go to Tacoma and spend some time with my mother before she passed away. She has been in nursing care at the Franke Tobey Jones in Tacoma since 2008. We did not realize before we left in 2001 that she had dementia, as she was very adept at hiding it not only from me, but also from her doctor. One of the reason we returned with Windarra in 2004, was that both of my parents were having issues.

Dementia and Alzheimer's are difficult diseases not just for the individual but for their family members as well. It was hard to not to get mad or angry when my father accused me of stealing my mother's jewelry. I tried not to say something flippant when my mother turned to me and asked how my mother was doing and I said, "She is doing okay but is having problems with her memory." My mother turned to me and replied, "Oh, that is too bad, it must be hard." It was all I could do not to cry. These diseases rob you of the person you knew. They look the same, their voices are the same but the person inside that you knew is slowly fading away and they forget who you are. My mother would look at me blankly like she had never seen me before. She would remember some things, like the words to many of the verses of "You Are My Sunshine" or "Que Sera Sera", but she did not know who I was or that I was married and had two children of my own, her grandchildren, that she and my father babysat many times as they were growing up.

It was a long goodbye. Watching the personality of my mother fade away and in the end watching as her body diminished. She had stopped eating and drinking as many dementia patients do, no longer knowing or wanting to swallow. I was thankful for the wonderful care she received from the staff at Franke Tobey Jones and Franciscan Hospice.

Leah Goertz Cashar died at 3:30 am on Sunday, April 15, 2012.

Goodbye mom. I love you.